Fetishman

issue 3 exists! it’s all back and white and grey and purdy and even taxi drivers like it (1 out of a sample of 1)!

I shall try and get it to what i like to call “the shops” as soon as, but i shall keep you posted as to which and when and where …

x geof

And just in case anyone has missed it:

there is an insidious move afoot to get “falsifying statistics” listed as one of the top interests on livejournal – come on you slackers, you know what you need to do.

… server’s now been swapped and redirects are in place. woo! well “woo”, in a techy way anyway cos it’s all been shifted and is shiny and so forth …

the luminous shaft of the fetish beam penetrates yet further

(cheers guv’nah)

Yes! it’s true! the fetishman shop finally exists! Go! Go now! Hurry up and gorge your materialist urges on the fetishman produce before toby thinks he’d rather have a real job than mail stuff! woo!

(nah, it’ll be there for a while, and new stuff will be forthcoming, but at the very least it’s now possible for you to get the comic – and now i’d better go and get m’ dinner)
x

yaaargh! LOVE ME
footage so bad butthole
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
MONKEY ARE BELONG TO summer!

an old friend of mine from suspectpackage.org created this bizarre thing that generates surrealist poetry from the rss feed of your blog, which i’m currently finding highly amusing. For livejournal users you need to enter the rss url which is, for example for this blog:

www.livejournal.com/users/fetishman/data/rss

ps/
ha, this is what i got for sarah_orange:

stuffed! still… know you
mumble mumble a tad TARD
RARR! TARDY TARD
Gosh! so weeeellllll… I

okay lads and lasses, a strange request/opportunity for a select few:

there’s a jeweller i know in york (so it’s partly a question of whether you can get to york easily enough) who is considering going into bespoke piercings, and as such he’s looking for male or female models with either genital or nipple piercing who would be happy to trim pubes and sport his stuff for a photographer, with a view to these going on show. His stuff is both elegant, on occasion witty, and utterly unique. If you’re interested drop us a reply, or contact the woman and get her to tell me.
x geof

EDIT:
the_fee_fairy raised a couple of good points regarding hygiene, so here is a little more detail:

i) he’s fully aware about the hygiene thing, but the metals he’s working with are expensive (22 carat gold and platinum etc.): therefore he’ll happily offer the model a discount on the jewellery, but if they don’t wish to take it he intends to melt the stuff down so at least he can reuse the raw materials.

ii) the offer is basically a set of high-quality prints, an invitation to the gallery show, and a discount on the jewellery if you choose to take it.

generally i fill this journal with semi-comic related bollocks, but today i think you would all be delighted to hear about the new policy they’ve introduced at my work.

In an effort to encourage us all to recycle, the management have decided to place a set of recycling bins on every floor of our building (hurrah you cry! recycling at a mere 40 yards and 3 sets of doors from my office! even a lazy bastard like me can now recycle!) ~and~ removed the bins from everyone’s office. all of them. Apparently i was emailed this, but i’m quietly confident i never received an email entitled “we’re taking your bin”.

Therefore, i now have no bin in my office. None. Pas de bin. Not even a cardboard box with the words “empty this yourself you lazy bastard” stamped on it. SO … every time i have a sandwich, every time i discard a page of erroneous calculation, every time i throw out this months copy of the in-house magazine, every time i discard a snot-ridden tissue … i’m apparently supposed to walk to the bin 40 yards away.

Bless ‘em. Universities are apparently filled with some of the finest minds in the country and yet they’ve all failed to realise that the reason one employs cleaners at an office is so that the other workers spend more time working rather than doing the cleaning. fucking genius.

right. i’m off to nick a bin.